 |
|
 pro_ana_pro_mia
 imagine831 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i've known who i am all along it's everyone else who's told me wrong made me fight it made me doubt it but you can't break me down i always come back around i can't forget her i can't reject her i must become her once again i was unfaithful to my best friend please, take me back
make me beautiful  i'm crawling back please, help me
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
pro_ana_pro_mia
anorexiaman2 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am sick and tired and worn out. My latest bout with "recovery" cost me over 20 pounds in gain. I feel fat, sloppy, unattractive, and like a total loser. Today, no more food. I'm going to do this, and I don't care if I drop dead. It beats never sleeping, being depressed and miserable all the time because of weight. I am going to allow myself protein teas and nothing else. I use cans of Sugar Free Pure Protein Vanilla Creme shakes. They are 110 calories a can. I brew hot tea, and I put about 1.5 ounces of this into the cup of tea instead of milk, and 1 sweetener packet. I usually get about 5 cups of tea from one can of the protein. The tea is warm and tastes good and is very satisfying, so by the end of the day I have had around 10 cups of tea and about 2 or 2.5 cans of this protein for a daily calorie total of about 220 to 270 calories. Plus that gets me around 50 grams of protein so it doesn't shock the body too much like pure restriction. I will keep my progress posted. All I know is that I can't go on acting like nothing happened. This gain is killing me from the inside very slowly. I wish all of my LiveJournal friends the best, love you all! Posted via LiveJournal.app. Current Location: US, Arkansas, Pulaski, Maumelle, Ninth Fairway Loop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
pro_ana_pro_mia
anorexiaman2 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
...and I keep telling myself "tomorrow I will do better, it'll be alright", and I keep trying to convince myself that I am winning the good fight. What bullshit. I am so fucked up in the head it's not funny. I am a 45-year-old white collar gay guy who is a closeted ED freak who obsesses about calories and fat grams and inches. I have a great life partner, a fantastic career, and a gorgeous home. But I am so obsessed with the way my body looks, the leanness, the fat, every little square inch. I am driving myself insane. If I don't pop sleeping pills them I am just up all night obsessing about my weight. What a crazy fucked up life. Love to all of you out there, and a happy July 4th (if you are in the states)... Bye for now :) Posted via LiveJournal.app. Current Location: US, Arkansas, Pulaski, Maumelle, Odom Blvd S
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
pro_ana_pro_mia
anorexiaman2 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hello everyone! Well! I have been trying to be as supportive as I can. I think that it's so important, even at the basest levels of being human, that we support and strengthen one another. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a simple hello, and it went something like this: "hello all you lovelies, I had a great night, just a bit of sushi and very happy, feeling good today, I hope all of my friends on LJ are doing great and have a fantastic night". It was something like that. Well anyway, I recieved an email today that the moderator of "body beautiful" blocked my message and that I was not allowed to post. I have posted on that board many times in the past and I have always been very nice, so this left me confused. Now, imagine my shock first of all that I was blocked, since I have only ever been a very honest and open person, and also supportive when I can be. Next, imagine being blocked from wishing people well? Wishing them a fantastic night? I mean, seriously? Well, at any rate, we all have our own demons and our own battles. I just won't bother with that board any more. I am who I am. No more, no less. Eating disorder or not, we are still all beautiful people in the end, no matter what. Got a piece of sugar free sponge cake ( from Walmart), topped with a nice slurp of Smuckers Sugar Free caramel sauce. This was just before bed. Took a good look at it, and down the sink disposal it went. It felt so good doing that. I can go to bed happy knowing that the food didn't beat me down tonight. I hope you all have a really great night :) Posted via LiveJournal.app. Current Location: US, Arkansas, Pulaski, Maumelle
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous
