Oh my f-ing god! My intention was just to eat a small bite of my dinner, and I ended ul eating the whole piece of chicken breast and 1/2 cup of angelhair pasta!!! Then later u had a handful of cashews. Then finally I ate 4 girlscout cookies (240 cals for 4!!! Fuck!!!) so my perfect day of having under 200 cals before I got home from work was ruined, all so I could fit in and not be questioned!! What a damn pathetic weak piece of crap I am, such a stupid fatass no good asshole with no control!!!!!! I am such a waste. I need to do better!!!!! 200 cals HAS to be my limit for the day.
I'm sorry to go on and on like this. I am just so sad and upset. I hate life tonight.
It will be better tomorrow. It has to be.
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Just got home. I am mortified. My partner made chicken Parmesan and angel hair pasta! Nooooooo! I did so well today, maybe 200 calories max!
Now, I will have to put on a show and take a couple small bites. I will do food shuffling mostly. Not happy.
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My name is Danni, and I'm from Adelaide, South Australia. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa. I use to post to groups like these, wanting support and understanding from other's who were going through the same thing as me. After a few years, and a few treatment programs, I recovered, and decided upon completing high school that I wanted to study psychology, and help other people who are suffering, and work in the prevention and treatment of eating disorders.
At 22 years of age I have now entered my fourth year at university, which is my honours year, in which I have to write a 12,000 word research thesis. After this year, I wish to complete a 4 year doctorate in psychology also. I have chosen to focus on body dissatisfaction, nutritional knowledge and eating disorders (the reason I began psychology in the first place). Although it will not be for a few more months yet, I was wondering when I have a survey approved by my supervisor and by the ethics board at my university, whether some of you guys would like to participate in my research. All results will remain completely anonymous, and participants will be debriefed upon completion of the survey.
I was really hoping that some of you will be interested in participating, knowing that results from this will help towards the causes, prevention and treatment of eating disorders. I really hope I will be welcomed here, as a previous sufferer of Bulimia Nervosa, I do understand how hard and lonely an eating disorder can be, and want to dedicate my life to helping those with this mental illness.
Thankyou so much.
(this may be re-posted in other pro-ana/E.D. support communities).
ugh, now i feel so disgusting, and i really don't want to eat dinner. ): but i know my mom's going to make that impossible too! maybe i'll just wait until she's a little more settled down later, and try and pretend to eat it or something. because i honestly <i>cannottttt</i> eat another thing tonight, i just can't.
god, why does she have to make this so hard for me? it's really not fair, at all. ): aksdjflkasjdklfsd help meeeee. ugh. i'm pissed.
Everything has changed!
I thought i was doing well properly getting on with things at college.
Then so much stuff happend with my boyfriend of 2 years. we split up but kept seeing each other exact the same, it just not being official. Well he went away to london and has beeen staying with some horrible guys, and he has changed, he's staying with girls and flirting and stuff and it has caused my relapse.
Its beeen a 9 days and i have lost over a stone.
I really neeed your support girls. finding it hard to cope now :/
Stay strong, Stay safe ♥
current weight: 133
goal weight: 115
i think it's sad that i woke up this morning thinking i was going to start over, and i ended up eating first thing this morning. my mom is sick and wanted me to make her breakfast, and once i got into the kitchen i couldn't control myself. all of the left over chocolate, and food from christmas was just too much for me to handle. i ended up eating m&m's, nut roll, and pumpkin cheesecake. i've realized this is the worst i've ever done. because not only did i eat that, but for the past three nights i've been eating so much i wanted to puke. at dinner especially. i dont' know why i do it, because i feel horrible after. i knew when the holidays were coming that i would do bad, and i was right. i broke down, gave in to everything.
after that happened i came upstairs and threw away all my candy and chocolate i got for christmas. that made me feel terrible, because it was all like, expensive gertrude hawk and everything, but i couldn't stand to have it in my room because i knew i wouldn't be able to control myself.
i need help, really bad this time. anything anyone can say, advice on how to control myself, distract myself, help to starve. i need to get back down to eating one meal a day, but i just don't think i can do it alone. i hate to say i'm desperate, and i would really really appreciate the support. thanks.<3